If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
