Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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