Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
