I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
