Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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