How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We talked him into tasing himself.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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