Plan B is the new Plan A
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
