and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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