turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
