Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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