I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
