I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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