That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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