I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
