are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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