I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize