Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
