Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
