hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
