You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
