..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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