just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
