Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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