I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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