My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
