I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
