i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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