Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
