yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
