she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
