I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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