He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
