Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
