Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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