my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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