Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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