Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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