I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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