please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will be naked everywhere
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
