remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
