I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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