farters have to be the big spoon...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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