Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
