Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
