Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
