The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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