i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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