I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
