Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
