Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
