i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
