Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
barbara walters just said penis...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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