So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
