Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
