someone get that fucking seahorse.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
