In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Send help, water and tortillas.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
