Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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