he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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