dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
