I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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