He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
