so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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