I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
