found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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