He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize