never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
