at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
