I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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