remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
