i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
