HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
