Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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