haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
