The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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