just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't turn off my feet"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
