oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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