I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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