you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
