there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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