My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
