Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
