HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
