i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
