Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
